be still.
listen.
choose a path.
stand firm.
be strong.
there's no going back.
Friday, January 6, 2012
Sunday, November 27, 2011
invictus
by william ernest henley
out of the night that covers me,
black as the pit from pole to pole,
i thank whatever gods may be
for my unconquerable soul.
out of the night that covers me,
black as the pit from pole to pole,
i thank whatever gods may be
for my unconquerable soul.
Thursday, November 24, 2011
thanksgiving should be celebrated around the world
not indulging in stuffed turkey, pumpkin pie, day off from work, and black friday sale doesn't take away the fact that today is a good day to give thanks from this part of the world.
today, i give thanks for the little pleasures that make life worth living: reading books, the flavor of strong coffee, experiencing the poignancy of sunrises and sunsets, feeling euphoric with the smell of paper and seawater, having a good night's rest on my 20-year old mattress with my flattened pillow, hearing my nephew squeal in absolute joy, having a belly laugh while watching one of my fave sitcoms, making my parents laugh at my jokes, getting nostalgic while listening to 90's rock, self-choreographing to an emotive song, releasing my inner child through coloring books and pastel crayons, walking on white sand, etc.
today, i give thanks for the little pleasures that make life worth living: reading books, the flavor of strong coffee, experiencing the poignancy of sunrises and sunsets, feeling euphoric with the smell of paper and seawater, having a good night's rest on my 20-year old mattress with my flattened pillow, hearing my nephew squeal in absolute joy, having a belly laugh while watching one of my fave sitcoms, making my parents laugh at my jokes, getting nostalgic while listening to 90's rock, self-choreographing to an emotive song, releasing my inner child through coloring books and pastel crayons, walking on white sand, etc.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
how to deal (II)
i couldn't get over how weak my mom became after she had her hysterectomy. prior to this, my mom has had 2 other major surgeries in a span of 5 years, and she has always managed to bounce back in a matter of days. this time around, she looked exceptionally frail. it's as if taking out her uterus and ovaries also meant taking away her life spirit. the mom i would be seeing for the next few weeks would be a mere shadow of the compact and dynamic woman i've known since i was a kid.
it would take her weeks before she could speak without running out of breath, or go out of the house without feeling frail. until then, each day was daily frustration day for her. we could see her frustration in not being able to do the things which used to be so effortless for her. we tried boosting her spirits, but there was only so much we could do. my mom and i are alike in the sense that we can't keep still in one place, and we always need to have something to do, so being confined in one place with limited things to do would really drive her crazy.
it would take her weeks before she could speak without running out of breath, or go out of the house without feeling frail. until then, each day was daily frustration day for her. we could see her frustration in not being able to do the things which used to be so effortless for her. we tried boosting her spirits, but there was only so much we could do. my mom and i are alike in the sense that we can't keep still in one place, and we always need to have something to do, so being confined in one place with limited things to do would really drive her crazy.
Saturday, November 5, 2011
peaskambak!
during our family lunch in the house for all saints' day this year
*one of julian's favorite "toys" is this mini plastic armchair we've always had on reserve for occasions when we run out of regular-sized chairs for guests. since our house has never been equipped to hold parties and gatherings, that mini armchair has always been put into use whenever we have more than 4 people staying for lunch and dinner. my family adheres to the unspoken rule that the younger generation should "yield" (NOT always for me) to the older generation, and since i'm the youngest among the adults, it went without saying that i should be seated on the smallest chair.
JULIAN: (grunting) uuuggggh (pinches me as he tries to push me off the chair)
PAPA: he wants you to stand up because he wants to play with it.
*one of julian's favorite "toys" is this mini plastic armchair we've always had on reserve for occasions when we run out of regular-sized chairs for guests. since our house has never been equipped to hold parties and gatherings, that mini armchair has always been put into use whenever we have more than 4 people staying for lunch and dinner. my family adheres to the unspoken rule that the younger generation should "yield" (NOT always for me) to the older generation, and since i'm the youngest among the adults, it went without saying that i should be seated on the smallest chair.
JULIAN: (grunting) uuuggggh (pinches me as he tries to push me off the chair)
PAPA: he wants you to stand up because he wants to play with it.
Monday, October 31, 2011
how to deal (I)
*the first of many parts...because the entries are just waaaay too long*
september 16, 2011: this was the day we found out that my mom has stage 4 ovarian cancer. needless to say, it was more than a shock. mind-numbing, earth-shattering, devastating...these words didn't even measure up to how i was feeling that moment when i heard the news.
everything seemed so surreal. i felt like i was watching a movie or a series slowly unfold but the very weird part was that i was in it too. it didn't help that for the first time ever, i heard my dad tell me "i don't know what to do." i mean, this is MY dad we're talking about, the father who can be lovably comical yet be frustratingly inflexible with his beliefs. we're talking about a man who has an opinion on almost everything and troubleshoots almost anything, and suddenly, he's telling me that he's at his wit's end in this situation.
september 16, 2011: this was the day we found out that my mom has stage 4 ovarian cancer. needless to say, it was more than a shock. mind-numbing, earth-shattering, devastating...these words didn't even measure up to how i was feeling that moment when i heard the news.
everything seemed so surreal. i felt like i was watching a movie or a series slowly unfold but the very weird part was that i was in it too. it didn't help that for the first time ever, i heard my dad tell me "i don't know what to do." i mean, this is MY dad we're talking about, the father who can be lovably comical yet be frustratingly inflexible with his beliefs. we're talking about a man who has an opinion on almost everything and troubleshoots almost anything, and suddenly, he's telling me that he's at his wit's end in this situation.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
filipino friday: expectations for the readercon
as i mentioned in one of my previous posts, the 1st filipino reader conference is coming up (just 4 days away!). unfortunately, i won't be able to go to this event because of work (why does work always have to interfere with our social life?!?), but that doesn't mean i can't promote this to other book lovers and bloggers :). please take the time to check this out on september 14, at the SMX Mall of Asia, Meeting Room 2--a great way to while away the time amidst people who share the same love and interest for books.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
of filipinos and foreign lands
"...manila is the cradle, the graveyard, the memory. the mecca, the cathedral, the bordello. the shopping mall, the urinal, the discotheque. i'm hardly speaking in metaphor. it's the most impermeable of cities. how does one convey all that? if one writes about its tropical logic, its familial loyalties, its bitter aftertaste of spanish colonialism, readers wonder: is this a magical realist?...how do we fly from someone else's pigeonhole? we haven't. we must. and to that, we have to figure out how to properly translate ourselves..."
- excerpt from ilustrado, by miguel syjuco
the except rightfully refers to manila, but reading it somehow reminded me of how difficult it is to describe my country to foreigners.
- excerpt from ilustrado, by miguel syjuco
the except rightfully refers to manila, but reading it somehow reminded me of how difficult it is to describe my country to foreigners.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
filipino friday: filipiniana
i'm late in joining this, but hey, better late than never!
filipino friday is a weekly meme that promotes the 1st filipino reader conference. for all you bookworms out there, this is definitely worth checking out. it will be held on september 14 at the SMX Mall of Asia, Meeting Room 2. this is just in time for the manila international book fair, so it would be a breeze to just swing by and listen to what other fellow readers have to say. better yet, my friend, Chachic, will be part of a panel discussion on book blogging (yey! check out her book reviews here). information on the conference program can be found here.
filipino friday is a weekly meme that promotes the 1st filipino reader conference. for all you bookworms out there, this is definitely worth checking out. it will be held on september 14 at the SMX Mall of Asia, Meeting Room 2. this is just in time for the manila international book fair, so it would be a breeze to just swing by and listen to what other fellow readers have to say. better yet, my friend, Chachic, will be part of a panel discussion on book blogging (yey! check out her book reviews here). information on the conference program can be found here.
Monday, September 5, 2011
in hindsight
entry from my written journal, dated january 8, 2010:
how would you know if you have made the right decision? i don't think we'll ever know unless we look at it in hindsight. then we'd realize if we had made a mistake...or if we had finally done something right. sometimes, in the midst of all this uncertainty, we just have to jump in because there would be so much more to lose if we don't. so what if we have yet to straighten out those big and small kinks that are facing us? sometimes, we come to a point in our lives that the only thing that matters is to make up our minds and stand firm with our decision, no matter what. no regrets. because eventually, whatever decision we make becomes the right decision.
big words from someone who loves making pro's & con's lists before jumping in :)
how would you know if you have made the right decision? i don't think we'll ever know unless we look at it in hindsight. then we'd realize if we had made a mistake...or if we had finally done something right. sometimes, in the midst of all this uncertainty, we just have to jump in because there would be so much more to lose if we don't. so what if we have yet to straighten out those big and small kinks that are facing us? sometimes, we come to a point in our lives that the only thing that matters is to make up our minds and stand firm with our decision, no matter what. no regrets. because eventually, whatever decision we make becomes the right decision.
big words from someone who loves making pro's & con's lists before jumping in :)
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