hello, i'm back

i recently got reacquainted with my journal, and i realized how much i missed writing.

growing up, i was rarely encouraged to speak aloud my opinions, so i learned to express my thoughts and feelings using the written word. my inability to express myself verbally has always made me feel that my mind is in a constant,unbearable chaos, but all that chaos disappears once i grab my pen and start writing in a handy journal (or whatever piece of paper is available).


for the longest time, writing was my solace and i was able to find peace in rereading my words and in waiting for that opportune moment when solutions and resolutions would pop into my mind from nowhere. but recently, i felt like my writing had become redundant, and that clarity of mind which i had once sought from my words was not forthcoming anymore.

as strangely schizophrenic as this might sound, i felt betrayed by my own wordsmanship. i can't do sports, will never be a singer, nor an uber-talented dancer, but i always knew i have an exceptional skill in the way i weave words into prose. and if i couldn't rely on that particular skill for peace of mind, what other talent do i have which i can rely on (definitely not my driving skills)?

so why am i writing again? i'm writing again because this self-imposed hiatus from writing has made me feel that i just might self-combust from all the words, thoughts, and phrases running constantly in my head. maybe growing old really does entail a more complicated life, and clarity cannot just be attained in a one-step "write-it-down" process.

now i'm so looking forward to reading my redundant writing...