today, i stepped up to the rare occasion of being a relationship counselor. yes, me, the girl with the relatively low emotional quotient...
my good guy friend M. and i decided to catch up over dinner and coffee. he inadvertently opened up about his befuddlement as to why his girlfriend of more than 2 years has been acting weird for the past few months. from his story, i got the impression that she was doing some of the crazy kind of stuff you mostly see on telenovelas and movies that are usually characterized by irrational possessiveness. this was news for me, because Girlfriend struck me as having a very carefree and unjealous-like personality.
after hours of talking, he mentioned in passing that his girlfriend caught him "fooling" around with a girl he had met in one of his business trips abroad. girlfriend was using his laptop and someway somehow, she found his messages to a pretty girl (her picture was attached in one of the messages) and vice-versa. according to my guy friend, there was nothing serious about the messages--no serious physical contact was made, just a harmless written flirtation. um yeah, no wonder his girlfriend was acting up, but i found it really funny that my friend never made the connection about his past fling and Girlfriend's behavior. he reasoned out that it happened a long time ago, and everything had already been settled between the two of them.
i hate to break it you, men, but, us, women, we can forgive your indiscretions (doesn't matter how huge or minor they are) but it will take us a long time to forget. it might have happened quite a while for you, guys, but for most women, it will always be like it had only happened yesterday. and since the details will remain fresh with us for years to come, we'll always have them at the back of our minds every time you tell us that you're going to hang out and unwind with your guy friends, traveling on a sudden but really important business trip, or maybe just that one time (or twice) that you've forgotten to mention that you're meeting up with an ex-flame. it's simply a matter of how we let these sordid memories affect us. some of us can be nonchalant and really let bygones be bygones, but a lot of us can transform into psychotic witches (bitches, banshees, whatever you want to call us) whenever we remember your past misdeeds. naturally, we channel all that frustration, uncertainty, and anxiety into random acts of jealousy and pettiness.
you'll probably wonder why we couldn't just talk straightaway about them with you guys. well, it's because we know that it doesn't make sense for us talk about it/them with you. for men, the past is past and what has been discovered/found out/confessed should already be over and done with. what's the point of crying over spilled milk? exactly. and that is why we'll never discuss it/them with you after the fact. are you still following my train of thought?
so next time your girlfriend/fiancee/wife goes berserk on you, be gentle please. she just might be trying to bottle in several tons of insecurity just to maintain some semblance of composure. she's trying to act rational, but her sharp memory just might be playing havoc with her irrational fears. try to remember if you had given her any reason to mistrust you. have you neglected her? been unfaithful? did it happen a week ago? a few months back? ten years ago? how long ago it happened doesn't really matter; what matter's most is that you make her feel secure and loved WITHOUT telling her straight-up that you have an inkling as to what's bothering her. yes, this is imperative, because we know we are smarter than you, and it's important for us that you see us as rational beings, and we couldn't exactly appear rational to you if you know that we're afflicted by past infidelities, which have been forgiven and should consequently be forgotten...you get what i mean?
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