socially awkward

i have this peculiar handicap when seeing and talking with people i don't really know.

when out in the streets and seeing people who give me a glimpse of recognition, i try to get away by averting my gaze and pretending i haven't seen them. if left with no other option bu to interact, i would talk with them but the conversation would be stilted and unnatural. despite my proficiency with words and languages, i can't help but be tongue-tied when trying to hold a conversation with strangers.

several people have already labelled me as a snob, because i don't converse much with a lot of people. i'm generous with smiles and laughter to my friends, but to my acquaintances, i can be as tight-lipped as the Mona Lisa. people don't realize that my "snobbishness" is merely a cover for my extreme timidity, or that it takes so much effort from me to try to act normal and appear socially capable. as much as i would like to change myself and be an instant extrovert, my psyche instinctively shifts to defensive mode, and i close myself up from the world. better be thought of as a snob than try to extricate myself from very awkward and uncomfortable situations.

i think i've just discovered my new year's resolution for 2010.